Caution: The Parent-vampires!

The history of life. A young woman moves to another city to study. Earns, on a vacation coming home, "throws" of money to parents. Then he gets married in that city, where she studied. Continues to help parents and never asks them for help. And he constantly hears accusations that she was "selfish, not caring about your parents. "

She sends them money, keeps her house, taking care of his son, never using their help in caring for a child (they have it and did not offer), and for all that she constantly told them that they "threw". The fact that they live on the money earned by her and her husband, as though he had not taken into account. The fact that the care of his younger brother from 12 years and the institute were on it - too. As a result, it is "bad daughter". Every once in a phone conversation on her descend the avalanche of reproaches. Brought to tears. When she asks what they offer is - to throw everything (the son is already grown up) and come to help them in their native city. Quit a job that brings them money, leave her husband. No logical arguments do not apply.
Familiar? Uncommon situation where the parents are just anathema to their own children, always something demanding, accusing of being selfish, not to care a dime privacy of their own children, and even interfering in her rather unceremoniously. First is to understand the reasons.
Unfortunately, many parents, even if the two of them, not sufficiently engaged himself and his personal life and personal interests. It is often the case that they simply are not happy together, but even more so if the mother raised the child alone and her personal life did not work. All the hopes, aspirations and the meaning of existence associated with the children. And there is an irresistible desire to always be present in my life have adult children to take an active part in it, and sometimes even control it. This happens at an unconscious level - even a child in twenty, thirty or forty years, continues to be a child. Naturally! After recognizing that the child grew and became adults, parents will be forced to take his full right to self-determination and respect for personal boundaries. And then they will be left alone - alone with his misery, fear, disappointment and loneliness.
When I refer to such parents who blame their children and hoping with the help of a professional influence on their adult offspring, I try to do everything possible to bring them back to themselves - to help find their targets, the interests, needs, not only related to children's lives. Often, it is possible. But what about those whose parents do not expect to for help, believing himself to one hundred percent right? How to be children? 

First of all, try to calculate the way in which you are being manipulated. At that mainly focuses? Guilt - the most common way of manipulation.
Justified if your wine? Here is a sober and cool to talk to each other. Figure out what really is within your power to make sure you are able to give parents and what is not in your power that can destroy your life. Distinguish between these things that clearly make it clear to parents what they can count on that - no. And give good arguments. If we can not get the logic - it makes sense to clearly say that you will not feel guilty in front of them and that, as you can, doing his duty.
- You Is not ashamed that you ... (Followed by a list of charges)? - No. Because I do not can do for you. And I'm not ashamed.
No excuses, nor prove the same thing a dozen times does not make sense. If you present all their arguments, it is enough to make a reference to this conversation: "I've already explained everything."
Very often the parents' lack of sobering your habitual reaction to the accusations:
- You're selfish! - Yes, I'm selfish.
And even if inwardly you still care about - will play this role, at least to deprive them of the usual keys to manipulation. After all, the victims of manipulation are at times your loved ones - spouses and children, including, depending on your reaction. And because the manipulation must be stopped.
Another characteristic "hook" on which you can pick up - fear.
- If you do this, I'll die! - It's your choice. If you sochtesh necessary - hence, you die.
Meaning of such dialogues is hard to deny the parents' usual methods of managing your emotions and reactions. Eventually, you will still worry about them as if they do not treat you any were, but these dialogues will make them think: but have they still total power over your own child? Once this feeling of the parents will suffer dramatically - their ability to engage in constructive dialogue and compromise will be higher.
In that story, which I wrote at the beginning, had to go this way. As a result, parents had to recognize the right of her daughter's privacy. They began to realize that for objective reasons, it can not do for them anymore. 

And another important point. What do you think, want to get parents, bringing you out, blaming the ingratitude, callousness, and the rest? Your emotions. And the emotions - it is energy. The notion of vampirism often linked to the narrow-minded understanding of a mystery. Psychologists his view on this phenomenon. While acknowledging emotions, no matter what, we share with the person of our energy. Note: The more you're tired, so you have fewer forces in the emotional, the more you care about, the more indifferent to everything. Conversely, the more you are fresher and fresher, the more strongly you can feel the world and its manifestations. It often happens that someone does not have enough energy, force - against the backdrop of the unit of illness and fatigue, and people subconsciously trying to take this energy from the stronger. And its only channel - your emotions. At this point you should realize this and make a conscious choice: Are you voluntarily share of energy?
To get away from the burst of emotion, agree with everything you say.
"Well, if you think so, maybe you're right" - you say in answer to another charge.
One of the phrases you can kill all desire to provoke you - because you are not resisting.
Unfortunately, especially hard to resist manipulation families - because we love them. But when the other side of the balance of mind of your family, children, and your own health, it is necessary to resist manipulation.