How to properly compliment

How to properly compliment many of us really like to see the relatives, friends and acquaintances come to our ideas, respectively. For these people, we usually say compliments, to maintain cordial relations with them, deepening and developing these same relationships to the extent that it arises from the need for them. Only some of their good will pay tribute to the response shown by the care and attention, but most often they take friendship for granted.

 Who is not familiar with this pattern: the husband tries to satisfy all the whims of his wife, expecting a reply note, it is also the eyebrow will not lead to thank him, to make it pleasant. However, my husband is doing something wrong as soon starts insults and reproaches poured on his head so much criticism and instruction, how to behave, what it stupid, insensitive and does not assimilate the basic things. If both hot temperaments, it is possible that it's all over a big quarrel with the massacre.Why is it worth paying complimentsIf you ignore the behavior desired for you, showing no emotion responses like, "Oh, what a fine fellow," "You understand me perfectly," "I just do not know what would be done without your help!", "You my best! "- and saying the wrong man for his behavior all the way up to the unprintable language, you risk to make enemies of the secret or overt.
In theory, the study of behavior set forth a rule, consonant with the Biblical dictum: "Do unto others as you would like to see you came." That is, the ratio of family and people around you depends on your response to them. The action you have encouraged, is repeated more often than one that is ignored. The negative behavior of a person, if he wants to attract attention, and will continue to occur. This phenomenon is known as "enhanced returns."Therefore, to obtain a positive return of the strong, we advise:

    Encourage good behavior and do not skimp on the kind words and compliments.
    Do not try to scold generously, to reprimand or punish him for bad behavior to you.For some, it will be a humiliation, while others perceive it as shown to the attention deficit and repeat the negative action.One woman in a conversation with the psychologist admitted that she could not get a trust relationship with your pet just because all the good that was shown towards her, she perceived as something for granted. This approach gave a negative result - it became less talk. After meeting the woman tried to change the style of communication, was to smile and say kind words to any positive behavior. Now the family does not know - so much love among its members. Everyone feels socially significant person, irreplaceable.I guess everyone remembers this pattern: the more giving sincere compliments, the more in return receive the kind words. And the opinion of you changes dramatically - you and responsive, and intelligent, and attentive, and attractive.Many people mistakenly believe that if openly express their positive feelings of the other party, he may become conceited and stop justifying your expectations on him. These people live by the principle that better fit than encouraged.However, this tactic gives a rather dubious results. After receiving a negative reaction in response to their actions or simply indifference, such people experience self-doubt, depressed. They have reduced self-esteem, there is no incentive for striving forward. In contrast, compliment and encourage like pouring fresh forces and entail conquer the vast summit.Art complimentWe now turn to how to say compliments.
How to properly compliment


    Tip one: a clear, imagine what tone will speak word. Most will not have a good compliment to the desired action, if it is pronounce his teeth or with frowning brows. That is, you get: your face should match the spoken word as it is due to visual contact, we have more than 90% of the information about the psychological state of the interlocutor.
    Tip two: a compliment not only to say what you like in another person, but also why. For example: "You are a great musician, because you are perfectly performs its work." "You have a great dress! It sits perfectly on your figure. "
    Tip three: contact person by name. The ancient philosophers were well aware that the world he is the sweetest sound. If you want to increase their word to compliment a particular other person individually, use the given condition. In the example, with the compliments they can be paraphrased as follows: "Alexander, you're a great musician, because you are perfectly performs its work." "Oksana, you have a great dress! It sits perfectly on your figure! ".
    In a business call to a conversation partner by the name makes it easier to reach a mutual agreement. MirSovetov recommends the use of this technique, when the conversation touches the most difficult issues when you want to convince your opponent to agree with you, to your point of view or a specific proposal.
    Tip four: do not say compliments, if you expect to get something from your conversation. You write down a long time in the category of flatterers. And the others will remain negative impressions, and you want to cooperate very few.
    Tip five: Do not answer the same compliment to you made a confession. For example: "Lena, do you watch the original!" "Your too good ..." It looks like you have nothing to say and you have to somehow respond.
    Tip six: Do not go too far in their expressions. For example: "Thank you, that you gave the camera, it is very useful to me. By the way, show me how to insert the film - I can not understand ... ".
    Tip seven: learn how to turn criticism into a constructive statement. In a conversation sometimes a desire to criticize the other, strike the right chord to push for better behavior, or to another embodiment of the solution. For example, instead of the words: "You had made hideous dress", it is better to say: "You are perfectly matched the color of matter, the top you have a well-decorated, but the bottom can do differently?". That is, first look for the positive moments and carefully sum up the man to the problem of offering a way to solutions. Criticism, starting with a compliment, people perceive the softer and faster to agree on the proposed changes.

    Tip Eight: help a person accept a compliment. Speaking of compliments, we usually expect to see a grateful glance companion, a warm response or a modest silence. But how to behave, if you say you hear something that makes you feel embarrassed and sorry about what he said? For example, you say, "What you have beautiful shoes!" And hear in response: "It's an old shoe." Or: "You've got so clean in the house," to which should be: "Nonsense, but the mess in the kitchen." And stuff like that.The man who can not accept compliments, as a rule, suffer low self-esteem, lack of confidence in the fact that he is really well done his job. Almost always he has a problem in communication. What to do in such cases? Here MirSovetov may recommend to ask a question after a compliment, not to give the other party to humiliate himself. Here's an example: "What you have a good phone! Where did you got? "Usually people are grateful and brief answer.With this technique, you can always help a person accept praise for him as your interaction will be remembered as an easy and effortless.Your ability to speak sincerely compliments certainly help in communications with all people to achieve mutual sympathy, at work, will give a chance to establish strong relationships with employees, will lead to success in your career!