The main enemy of love is the gradual disappearance of admiration for each other. This is facilitated by the following circumstances. The first of them - an act of psycho-physiological adaptation of the law, under which "the value of any sensation is reduced at a constant action of the same pathogen." Reduction in the degree of novelty of living together - an inevitable process that leads to the effect of habituation. Love frequently dies, becoming, at best, a habit. Remember, as Pushkin: "The habit of replacing more than we are given a happiness it is."2) Reduction of interest to the spouse as a person as a result of repetition of the same thoughts, assessments, statements. And as a consequence - the cloying dialogue with each other.
3) "The effect of neluchshego underwear" - sloppy declassification of spouses to each other in a backyard life.What kills love
If you want your husband is often looked at the women around him, you should make quite a bit:
walking home in an old tattered robe with sagging pockets (stuffed with all sorts of things) and always with greasy belly;
the evening will certainly appear in front of him with his hair in curlers sound around, shoot them in the morning before work, let your hair only admire your colleagues and boss;
very good evening to smear the face shiny and greasy cream does not remove its remains until the morning;
and more - to wear old tattered slippers with soles peeled;
You can add a little thing: do not use the bra at home, let the breasts hanging and swaying under the old robe - it is very impressive;
it is advisable to wear a "chewing" is not quite fresh nightgown;
and it would be good to top it all, learn to snore, as a firefighter.
I think, has everything! Now he'll go the way you imagined in the mind - find a lover, and probably just get away from you forever.
Even your favorite toothbrush is not catching.
Before marriage, each spouse, of course, tends to appear before the other with the best hand, watching his looks, carefully avoids the bad manners, etc. After the marriage is changing: the wife often appears in front of her husband in curlers and a bathrobe unwashed, and her husband shows her his unshaven stubble, worn-out sneakers and bubbling on his knees tights.
Of course, appearance is of some importance in the origin of the partner momentum for intimacy, but also are not going to wash dishes in an evening dress or toilet repair in evening dress. And our way of life, unfortunately, does not relieve the spouse from these duties.
Addiction, disappointment spouse leads to a 4-5-year life together for many spouses weakens sexual desire for each other. A related, in particular, the peak number of divorces in the 5-year experience of family life.How to keep love
The first condition is constantly working on yourself, spiritual growth, the desire to maintain in the eyes of your loved one's prestige and status, because, according to the just remark IM Sechenov, "passion is supported by a brightness variability passionate way."
Marriage is in no way should be construed as an end in the young, after which you can achieve the "relax", but on the contrary, it is necessary to consider it as a starting point of the struggle for marital happiness. This means that the couple simply do not have the right to stay in their development, as well as face and move in which their deep personal intimacy, openness to each other will interfere with the existence of the family.
The second condition - improving cultural relations between spouses, education of a consistently getting on with everyone, kindness, sensitivity, restraint and allows to avoid unnecessary "declassification" tact. Elevating respect for each other, raising a kind of exaggeration of the merits of another, in full compliance with the wise idea Prishvin that "the person that you love me, of course, better than I do, I do not like that. But you love, and I'll try to be better than yourself. "
The third condition for increasing the strength of the family acts as the relative freedom of spouses to each other. In fact, this condition is a natural consequence of the same psycho-physiological adaptation of the law - temporary cessation of the stimulus restores the excitability of the nervous system and increases the intensity of sensations during subsequent stimulation. It has long been reflected in the global culture: the immortal lines of the poet's "face to face shall not see, a lot is seen at a distance" and the parable of the two lovers, whose punishment was forced to look at each other, and that was enough, so they are very soon came to hate each other. Or, in the rough everyday saying, "With a short leash slips rather than long."
However, the idea of the necessity of temporary separations are usually difficult to find a place in the minds of young married couples, and therefore the advice of experts about the relative autonomy of forms - a joint silent pastime, "open" (ie, based on the Leisure) days, etc. . - Usually they are not implemented, which ultimately detrimental effect on the stability of marriage.
In surveys conducted revealed that the critical moments of the first years of marriage are quite similar for most young couples, although they are significantly different for men and women. Men in general were most sensitive to the material inconveniences and difficulties of physical adaptation. The women also expressed the greatest concern about failure (with their feminine point of view) display by their spouses feelings of love and respect, the loss of a romantic tone premarital courtship.
A new way of life, burden of family responsibilities, unsettled life, and other associated with the beginning of a joint life circumstances turn out for many couples unexpected, unpleasant, and sometimes very heavy burden. The fact that this is the case, evidenced by the authoritative opinion of A. and B. Kharcheva Matskovskii that are among the main causes of family conflict and divorce in young families include the installation of the marriage as something easy. This setting appears in the following four factors.
Lack of preparation of young people in a dramatic change in lifestyle.
The complexity of relations between the generations.
Waiting for the marriage only pleasant surprises.
Unwillingness to fulfill family responsibilities.
Is it possible without love?
Is it always required the love in the family? Maybe good enough relationship, common interests, respect for each other?
This question is relevant because about a third of men and women who want to get married, do not believe in love.
About family life is often said (and many believe it): If there is love - nothing terrible, but if there is no love - it does not work. And then, and more, perhaps, wrong.
Most people get married for love, affection, attraction. Judging by sociologists, most people get married in our heart of gravity, but how many of them associates love, how many - love or just attraction - is unknown. You can probably assume that loves and desires more than love. Many such pairs of gravitation heart a few years after the wedding subsides, and they share a sense of no longer, and children, custom, flat, material dependence.
Newlyweds the other groups (they lower) find each other "by reason" without a heart desire. They have not met a man at heart, and it's time to start a family, here and choose someone who seems like a soul, mind. There are those who are married to the calculation of the material, its too much.
In the first group - those who are married to cardiac impulse, for every ten successful marriages have failed ten or eleven. Apparently, most of these failed marriages - marriages of love, attraction, not love, feelings are often selfish, and without the aid of reason, they are unlikely to deeply connect people.
Those who are married to reason, for every ten successful destinies occur four or five unsuccessful. Hence, the proportion of successes is two - two and a half times greater than that of lovers. And even those who are married on the calculation, the percentage of successful destiny and a half times greater than that of lovers.
More than a win before calculating reason is because the mind considers the deeper factors - human, and in the calculation - the material, and transient.
These figures are overturn our most cherished notions. They make a new way to think about indigenous family supports morality. It turns out, heartfelt desire - not a guarantee family happiness: it gives him less than half the time, and reason and calculation - much more frequently. It does not harm a sensory attraction to marriage? Is not it better the other way - tranquil, not blurred sense of choice? Maybe he is more suited to the current man with his rationalism and inhibition of feelings?
The point, perhaps, is that there are different types of people, and that is good one, is poorly suited to others.
Perhaps people who are married to reason and calculation, less exacting emotional, psychological demands - and this more getting on with everyone. Perhaps many of them love or love was simply not available. Perhaps, for these people family peace of mind (not happy!) Achievable than for those who love or loved. But their lives are probably more uniform - there is no love storms, highs of happiness, grief failures, it is richer calm, but poorer than the passions.
For such people, the main basis of marriage - not love, but simply a good relationship. This foundation is responsible, probably, their psychological makeup, it is natural for them. But for most of today's men and women craving senses - the best basis for the family. And no matter what the numbers on the failure of their marriage, the people of this type will still marry for love or attraction - this is their psychology.
However, the heart of gravity - most often the mainstay in the early phase of family life. All of them - a sense of fading, and if they do not support, they fall off, fade. Of course, the deeper sense, the longer it lives, but the deepest love, unfortunately, die if we do not try to prolong her life. The reasons we have discussed above.
The fate of marriage is extremely important, much more depends not on the feelings that people get married, and their spiritual properties, kindness, altruism and selfishness, indifference, or hospitality. From these properties are much more than the feeling depends on how people behave with each other, how they fit together, that is, the very fate depends on their feelings. This is probably the fundamental psychological law that governs the fate of marriage today.
The initial feeling - only one link in a multilink marital compatibility, and the focus of it is only the beginning of marriage. The older the marriage, the higher its center of gravity moves to the other side of interoperability, which depend on the nature of the people of their identity.
To live without love (or not love), of course, possible, and even to live well. There is nothing unnatural, immoral and even more so, in the present circumstances, when many hard to find a man's heart is normal, moral, human, especially when people are well related to each other. But in a good relationship with them will appear some sense - or sympathy, or affection, or a good habit (a habit, not indifference, but a habit, inclination, it meets at least). These pairs like to start living right in the second stage of marriage, without going through the first - the first step of ardor feelings.
By its very nature, emotional people simply can not be with each other senseless, even the most quiet, which is not lit, and warm. Between them there are always some kind of attraction or repulsion.
In such a life can be happy, but more often, perhaps, from the children, not from each other. Unfortunately, the happiness ups often overlap are failures of grief - love or left out of the aching pain of loneliness, if the spouse is emotionally distant ... However, it very often happens over time and those who are married to cardiac impulse.
In personal relationships, family life does not often the way in which it would be good. More often, perhaps, comes fusion successes and failures. And do not look here general recipes - each one has to choose which path it is more appropriate:
Each woman chooses for themselves, their religion, the way ...
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