For some reason, female staff (working, creative, etc.) I always like a patchwork quilt. Coexist on a single canvas flaps with delicate daisies, severe stripes, sports cell, a heavy fantasy decor, exotic flowers. Just as in life. Different styles, different characters. And at first glance, all is calm and harmonious. But this is only the first ...I will cite case studies. I was approached by 38 - year-old Hope. Her story is as follows: living a lonely woman, not beautiful, not ugly. Personal life did not work, it happens. Friendly, quiet, in the team, where she worked, she was considered a good specialist. But the team did not take her seriously as a woman. Beauties local stared at her condescending - an old maid. But then the unexpected happened: the head of their design studio, all adorable handsome man, filed for divorce from his wife and began to openly and unequivocally to the signs of attention Hope. She thought and did not give them up. The novel was short-lived. Nadya had no complaints about his boss. But the collective weight to it was the claims. She was not just that the attention of an enviable man fell on her, a gray mouse. She openly express my disdain, gossiped behind her back, spoke ironically sometimes outright rude. Aversion to conflict with the team was even more irritated. When to ignore the rudeness of staff was simply not possible, she just asked for her grass. And then a flock rushed into battle - Nadia learned so much about myself new that her mind at some point, did not survive, and Hope took away an ambulance. Digesting said she had been in a hospital bed. "I was struck by the monstrous anger of these women - she told me. - And I'm neither one of them, no one has taken away! Almost everyone had a husband or boyfriend, plus the mass of fans. And they all looked so beautiful, well-groomed, happy! "
In telling it, she did not even realize that she has found the answer to your question. They seemed happy to her ... That's it! Appeared, and were not. And Hope was. Albeit a small part of his life, however, she was able to warm up and warm the other person. And the women's team she will not forgive.
I focus attention on the women's team, because for him the problem "to be and to seem" increasingly becoming the source of every conflict. Among men is much rarer person fatally preoccupied their image and produced in the surrounding impressed. A man can bestow upon a romance with all his co-worker and still prefer to have each of them considered themselves the only lady of his heart. He prefers to be in demand, rather than to seem them. A woman chooses to everyone around her believed enslaver men's hearts, even if she is in reality one can not bestow.
Why?
Woman feels confident and successful when receiving confirmation from the men's status as an attractive man. And the more men have confirmed it, the more comfortable feeling the bearer of this status. And what if, for whatever reasons, to confirm the status of anyone not in a hurry? That's when the game begins in a successful woman. None of his colleagues did not see our real life. Therefore, we can convince everyone, for example, that a man we particularly do not hold on, but simply allow it to yourself to love that all neighborhoods male population simply was breaking in line for our benevolent gaze, and that "tired already all with my compliments!" Etc. etc. This is called the formation of public opinion. At heart, she knows how bleak her case. But of power and spiritual potential, it throws up the wrong to be happy, but in fact to appear to her. It is these women perceive any newcomer in the team, as a potential rival. And if a number appears, indeed, happy woman, then this fact will not forgive her for anything. Have not forgiven this fact and the Nadya. She was not competed with anyone, did not play any role invented enough to realistically assess themselves. She was comfortable in its artlessness. That is what attracted the attention of a male leader and extremely angered colleagues.
Women's teams, incidentally, are very characteristic of the presence of persistent fashion roles. I will cite some of them.
* "Its a board." From the first moment of acquaintance goes on "you." Everything about everybody knows, or thinks he knows. She was like a street paparazzi, need any information about a person from the amount of money in the purse, and ending with the monthly schedule. She tries to be good once for all and frankly do not understand why at times at her from all sides strewed the negative.
* "Superledi. Regardless of the color and complexion is always impeccably dressed, washed and combed. Specifically, punctual, always busy, cool and ironic to talk to. Absolutely convinced that it is - hope and support superior and progressive mankind. That's just sometimes can not understand why the men around her to prefer other women ...?
* "Madame Broshkina. Work for it is not very pleasant, but inevitable part of life. A purpose in life - to find a convincing, according to her ideas, man. This talk is devoted all her time and working as well. Observant, has a tenacious gaze and sees even the neck. But seeing something that does not ask himself the question: "why?" Therefore, despite its housewifely and sexuality are constantly thrown at another boyfriend, and face the eternal question: "What he found in it?"
* "The Darling". Feminine, weak and helpless. Always willing to indignant and empathizes among women who change their husbands, but with no extra reflections itself uses other people's husbands. The arguments in this case gives the most convincing. The most important of them - make the man, hackneyed by his wife, a free, liberated and happy.
* "The thing in itself." This woman - as a vehicle with no markings. She's like a fenced off from the world: lack of emotion on his face, the specifics of the conversation, underline, indifference to everything that it is not directly involved. And it's probably a reason. The main thing is not to descend on her emotions, especially with the good. Feeling after talking with her is that you were smiling and talking to a wall in the office. But it can survive, provided that such a woman leads a team.
* "Boorish." Categorically refuses to understand that someone else besides her have any problems. He feels very hurt, and betrayed by all crocked. In any disagreement with a move to shouting and swearing. At any time in a state of full combat readiness. If for any reason, the day passed quietly and peacefully, in her eyes there is sadness and apathy.
* "Sweetie." A great lover of spectacular poses, both external and internal content. For this zagolyaetsya all: what if "by chance" to undo the required buttons of her blouse, or "accidentally" trying to bully the already microscopic skirt. Or suddenly start moving lips trembled and his eyes light beautifully fill with tears. Possible and cooing, "mermaid" laughter, which combats the surrounding men like the flu during the epidemic. It's funny to look at the faces of those same men when they manage to get to the filling of candy!
* "An intellectual". And really smart. Can help and tell, but it does so, I feel like a microbe, which she viewed under a microscope. It seems to be the contact, simple and democratic. And it seems that it is - a nice man. But in dealing with it has always felt invisible, but persistent barrier of their own superiority. And so close to her cold. And it does not seem to.
* "Koshelka. Appearance has nothing to do with age! Moreover, it is totally concerned with only their personal and family problems, she still truly believes that it is interested in everything around her. Those who could not escape in time to communicate with her, would be forced to listen to a story about the status of the entire family and each family member individually, including a detailed report on the health, color and texture analysis, etc. After this, even a car accident can seem amusing adventure!
I brought the most common types of behavioral problems common in women's collectives. In a particular embodiment, they are in each. I am often asked: Is it possible to avoid all sorts of conflicts at work? This is not an idle question. We are a huge part of his time at work and the vast majority of us are not working because we are bored with life. The answer is - it is possible.
Board of Psychologist
* Any behavior that is imposed on us, requires a response. Otherwise, why did it show? Now imagine that there is no response. You demonstrate again. And no reaction. You are challenged. And you have it "do not notice." You pointed to ignore. And no reaction. You are busy. Sooner or later the protester out of steam and leave you alone. Or switch to another more vulnerable object. In other words, the problem can be treated so that it does not pay any attention.
* Worse, when the team starts baiting a colleague, as described above. Tolerated in such cases is useless. Dirty linen in public will have to endure. How would the authorities not apply to you, it can not ignore the officially registered memorandum and will be forced to ask the organizers of baiting a few unpleasant issues. Including, for example, where they have to work so much free time to engage in foreign affairs?
* Well, when a person is comfortable and open in communication. But do not forget all the good in moderation. Working with your team - especially the female! - Not necessarily know all your weaknesses and vulnerabilities. The less information about you, the calmer you will live. I still remember the words of my favorite teacher from the distant university youth: "Open Soul is very good if you do not like do not fasten your pants!".
* Attach all their talents to make to be happy and not feel them. I as a psychologist, and as a woman always admire those to representatives of our gender. They can live in harmony with yourself, and give live and enjoy others. Jealousy and anger begin to bud, where a very long and tedious to take vengeance on the public role of a happy woman. And maybe spit on it, and who would think? This masculine approach to life. We often criticize men, and in fact is they have something to learn!
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