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Saturday, April 30, 2011

The relationship of parents and a married daughter

Most often, when the adult daughter is getting married, each parent enters a new phase of his life since leaving the house not only the favorite child, whose life took care of the parents, but also on behalf of his daughter's best friend goes for mom, caring girl for my daddy and in general a huge part of life.

Of course, most daughters continue to maintain close relationships with their parents, even having his own family and children. But here is the relationship between parents and adult married daughter, rarely remain the same, in any case there is some rearrangement of roles and manners of communication. And how much is reasonable and sensitively perceive the new circumstances both parties, and depends on the subsequent fate of the relationship.
Of course, the most ideal situation is when the period of marriage, a daughter has been able to emerge as an individual and has gained some psychological independence from parents. And the parents themselves, in turn, should give her daughter an opportunity to dispose of their own lives, that is, the right to make their own decisions and bear the consequences, trusting their own powers and abilities. But in life, this scenario comes true very often. What tips will help avoid or resolve conflicts that arise?Causes of Conflict
Oddly enough, but his daughter married, almost always a complete surprise to the parents, that is, they can certainly know about the event, but be prepared that this has already happened. Let us first consider the causes of conflict?From the mother
Mother's hard to reconcile with the fact that her daughter is with her on an equal footing, or in some areas exceeds it. Conflict arises when the mother can not go with the pointing and carer tone for relations between two adult women and to give his daughter the right to do something differently. For example, if my own family lived in a little prosperity, the quality stuff and toys for children's daughter, may be perceived as a luxury and indulgence, and be subject to reproach.
Next problem - this feeling useless, daughter safely do without her mother's advice, and more time devoted to his family. Hence the hostility toward her husband's daughter, who gets almost all attention is precious.Father's side
In relation to the daughters more often fathers are especially care and control. Therefore, ordinary everyday quarrels (and they occur in all families), cause her father a storm of feelings and deny objective view of the situation. It's his favorite daughter sits offended and upset, let alone the needs here in-law and not interfere in family matters adult children. Therefore, it is most often the father is taken to solve conflict situations, defending his "baby."
The second problem - this is the material side of the relationship the parent and child of the family. If the father helps with financial issues (which often happens), the son-in will automatically be recorded in his eyes, like a bad earner, and it can speak in the form of accusations against him. When it comes to how to fix crooked teeth without braces grandson, help your parents may be needed, and for this assistance will have to "sweat" morally.Tips for parents and daughters - understand, without reproach
Naturally the first to set a new tone of relations, is the parents - because they are more experienced and wiser, and be sure the children will tell you the warmth and attention. After all, parents should always and at any age, so do not think that by not actively intervene in family life, his daughter, you will not need or least favorite. Parents will not replace nor husband nor the children loved.The main advice for parents

* Be helpful but not intrusive. Find common areas of a combination of where you need each other. Perhaps, parenting, wisdom, economy, comfort in time of family difficulties. For example, during the conflict in the family's daughter, it is better to spend weekends with the grandkids, and to allow his daughter and her husband quietly build relationships, rather than berating ne'er-in-law and telling her daughter that "You have warned her." At this position, you will always be first assistant in difficult situations and welcome guests in the house.
* Go to a friendly tone, of course, sometimes you need to tell and advice, and perhaps point out a mistake, but in doing so, remember that before you are not a child who was accountable for the prank, but an adult who, like everyone can make mistakes . Try to leave the "childish attitude, trust their grown daughter, let it become partnerships, friendships, relationships, the two adults.
* And my father and mother should stay active people, even after children leave home, and there is no past troubles. And is it not the time to start resembling their favorite things, pay attention to each other. This will give your daughter's "gold" of parents who are engaged in their own interests and do not require undue attention, and at the same time, always ready to help a young family.
* Special attention would be desirable to pay towards her husband's daughter, even though "it's not worth your girl, etc.", he deserves respect, in the end, it is a choice for your daughter and she with him well. So try to see in it the positive side, and the disadvantages your daughter to consider it herself without your help.
Particularly want to highlight the relationship of married daughters and a single mother, in this case by the daughter requires special attention, sensitivity, because the mother may be alone in the literal sense of the word. Therefore, at first, be patient, give the opportunity to adjust to such changes, assured of his love. Still, your family must come first, because there are obligations to their children. In this situation the mother should be active in favor of taking care of yourself, meet up with old friends, colleagues and enjoy a new exciting activity, or new items Explore the technology (Internet, etc.). Loving yourself will be easier to love their grandchildren and daughters, and children will be more likely to visit you and call in guests, because you are happy and satisfied with life, and not offended by the whole world.
But his daughter with his side can take a lot to preserve priceless relationships with parents. Here are some tips:

* If necessary, use the help of parents, letting them feel needed and welcome;
* From the first day not to devote too parents in every turmoil in the relationship with her husband, parents, it is difficult to give impartial advice, and this is understandable, but to form a negative attitude towards in-law is quite real;
* Encourage the mother desire to engage in their own lives and their interests, make new friends or chat with old friends or tie it with his immeasurable requests to their own family.
* Quietly hear the mother's advice, the extra information will not hurt anyone, and then you can explain your views. If you can not reach agreement, just put this topic in the end, each of you has a right to their own opinion.
Have your family and maintain good relationships with parents is quite real, consider the interests of each other and you do not lose loved ones and peace in my heart!


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