Infinite experience, raise doubts, insecurities in their own abilities, and sometimes lack of information, literally prevent a woman enjoying her new state. All aspects of psychological preparedness for motherhood says our expert, a family psychologist Anna Karnaukhova.
Having decided to conceive a child, prospective parents undergo a full medical examination, make repairs, they have the necessary things, but disregard the psychological state of future mothers, whereas it is from her relationship to the unborn child depends on the safe during pregnancy and childbirth, the formation of the early relationship between mother and baby, the style of further family education.
Why do I need?
Somebody thinks a child just because "the time has come," someone - because all her friends already have kids, someone - what it wants husband (parents, mother in law), or the woman herself wants to go from work and some time to sit at home. Many expectant mothers decide to give birth to a baby, to keep next to a man.)
As a rule, guided by similar motives, she is not fully aware of what awaited her, and after the birth of a child is experiencing frustration and irritation. The fact that its expectations often are not met - yes, she really went to work, but the rest she could not succeed. She gave birth to "time", but was not ready for this, and because the child is unconsciously perceived as an obstacle to achieving their goals. She made happy husband and parents, but did not see why not experience such warm feelings for the child, as all around. And tense relations with the spouse is unlikely to be resolved in this way. Most likely, they will only worsen.
Should be clear about what exactly caused your desire to have a baby. Baby - it's not the way to solve problems, not a means to achieve goals, and above all - exceptional value. Its appearance can bring joy and happiness to his parents because they no longer have to go to work or because they are now "all", but simply because it is. Only such an attitude will contribute to the harmonious development of the child, forming a close relationship with him, to establish emotional contact between parents and kids.
Are you ready?
Equally important is the personal commitment the woman: her ability to make decisions, psychological age (not the one in the passport), a value system. Very well when next to a woman is a loving husband, parents, friends, ready to support her in the crucial period of planning and carrying a child, but if she feels no confidence in the correctness of the decision, if it is regularly thinks that she is not strong enough or she feels "too young" to have his family, the pregnancy will proceed anxious and restless. Occasionally a woman will go to doubts, fears, thoughts about what a child can "ruin" her life. Best of all, at this stage to give special attention to personal training, and possibly even ask for help from a psychologist.
How will you educate your child?
Studies in recent decades, psychological research has shown: child-parent relationship in the months and years of life are crucial for its further development and mental health. That is why it is so important at the stage of preparation for the birth of a child very seriously analyze their experiences with their parents, to formulate for themselves their own views and evaluate them in terms of harmony and correctness in relation to the child. You should understand addiction and the possibility of their child, rather than sell it through some of his expectations (for example, determining a daughter to music school, these should be precisely the desire and the capacity of its crumbs, not the idea that "I have not given, Well nothing, but my little girl learns "). In addition, you should be ready to change their attitude and style of communication as they grow up crumbs. For example, if a 6 month baby really needed to have done everything for him - fed, watered, clothed, etc., to two years should allow him to be more independent. Otherwise the child will actively protest (there will be communication barriers, followed by outbreaks of disobedience and stubbornness).
What do you want to be?
Previously, the preparation for motherhood was held in the natural family environment. As a rule, coddle the children helped her grandmother, the older children, nannies. Today things are different. Often, after giving birth to a baby, a young mother is without support. Sometimes it just does not know what she needed to do. Add to this the rather fashionable earlier approach to parenting, radically different from traditional one: to rock the child, taking him up when he cries, has long been considered harmful and wrong ("not to teach it to your hands, do not spoil).
However, this approach negatively affects the development of the baby. Satisfying physiological needs of the child only leads to emotional alienation between parents and children. For example, if the mother does not respond to the crying child, perform all necessary procedures for child care strictly by the hour, thus initiating the communication itself and not allowing the baby to do this, then the baby is formed by a sense of his own insignificance, which can then lead to a complete lack of initiative and emotional coldness.
A small child in need of fellowship, emotional and physical contact with her mother (her parents) no less than in the nutrition and care. Infancy - is the period of forming the so-called basic trust or mistrust the world. And how close and warm relationship with the child will be in the first days and months of his life will depend on how he would feel in this world, whether he will accept the environment with interest, showing cognitive activity, or will consider it hostile will be treated with suspicion and distrust of everything.
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