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Monday, March 28, 2011

My daughter fell in love with an adult boyfriend

Children grow very quickly, and we do not have time to look around, as it turns out that they are already very adult. Or at least, by himself so it seems. That is why some mothers have to worry about the fact that my daughter fell in love with an adult boyfriend. How to act in such a situation to protect your child from bugs, but it does not spoil the relationship?

Of course, you must be very careful and sensible. Youthful maximalism and first love make children fractious and stubborn, so a ban here will not help in any case. If you simply get a girl to not communicate with her favorite, she will hate you. Of course, this feeling is temporary, and he grew up, your daughter will understand. But now, she will assume that you are taking away her happiness and love life. Even if you close it at home and make a total control, she could find a way to escape, and to spite you, do even more stupid than it could if you would do differently.
Therefore, try to become her friend. At that age, teens rely on their friends much more than their parents. She must understand that you will not condemn it, to prohibit and to teach. Also, do not tell all your friends and acquaintances that my daughter fell in love with an adult boyfriend. The girl must be offended at you to know that those feelings which at this age seem to be the clean and bright, became public.
The best way out of this situation will be constant communication with my daughter twosome. Just never put pressure on her and did not fish for information. Let her know that she can speak only what she wants and when he wants. Of course, the girl will not immediately trust you, especially if you have previously have been conflicts in such soil. But, if you choose a friendly behavior, in a short time the child will understand that you can all trust and she starts talking about their problems. This information will help decide how best to do next.
Of course, in most cases, these relationships do not lead to anything good, as an adult guy sooner or later, just bored child who is your daughter. But there are times when her lover turns out to be really smart and serious young man who loves a girl. To understand this, ask my daughter to invite him to visit. But in any case, do not insist and persuade. Behave as though you almost do not care. If the guy refuses the invitation, it fully confirms its lack of seriousness. Familiarity with mom girls, mostly just scares those who do not want him to make claims similar girl.
When he did agree, try to evaluate it, and its attitude. Of course, every mother wants the perfect pair for your child, but still worth thinking properly and efficiently.
In conversation with a young man try to be too intrusive, and in any case do not say that, in the opinion of your daughter, may offend or discredit it or the guy. Even if you at first sight realized chto this slippery type, continue to behave naturally and amicably. You do need to get the girl listened to you, so you need to maintain the status of her friends.
If young people really behave decently, then maybe it is better to give him a chance. Just try, whenever possible, to control the situation. It may well be that this young man will be able to make your child happy. So do not let yourself prejudice. Always be objective.
Well, how come when you realize that the young person absolutely not suitable for your daughter? In this case, you must convince her of that. But do not try to bring him to clean water, adjusting the compromising situation. It is unlikely that the girl will believe you. Most likely, she will tell you that you specifically are doing and find thousands of excuses to the guy, even what can not be justified in principle.
Conviction - that's the only way to influence the decision of her daughter. You need to constantly talk to her, to discuss a guy as she does with her girlfriends. In her speech will necessarily slip notes of dissatisfaction with some situations. But with this and need to start. Chance to ask questions about what she does not like, try to simulate the different versions as to why this is happening. But never leave the last word. Let your daughter will be able to comprehend everything, and not try to convince you. Tell her instructive stories about similar situations, but try to ensure that all did not look like sermons. The girl must feel that you communicate on an equal and will never make her give up her beloved. All its decisions must be independent. At least, she should think so. Be patient, behave with restraint and tact. Never show their true relationship to the guy. You're wiser than your daughter and her young man, who okruchivaet girl most primitive methods, several times. So enjoy their privileges. Always act in different situations. Your daughter should consciously think that you are her friend, but subconsciously you feel in the staunch authority. If you are able to achieve this, the words you are to her laws, even if the girl does not realize.
Of course, from unhealthy relationships need to get rid as quickly as possible, but in cases with teenagers, haste may still worsen. So please be patient and try to be aware of everything that is happening with your child. Tell yourself: "This is my daughter, for her sake I am ready to even wait to suffer - just to do no harm!". If you do not tear and does not go to extreme measures of education, in the end, all what you say will be a meaningful way, and a daughter, she will make the right choice. And then you will again be able to sleep soundly and not worry that someone might hurt your little girl and break her heart. Indeed, in the end, even if the baby (and your daughter will always be for you baby) fell in love with an adult boyfriend - it's not the end of the world!

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