How to teach children to recognize and correct errors

Money is lost and not asking for forgiveness. Service slammed - and though the henna. Looks and silent. Should he finally admit his guilt - to apologize, at least! Easy and pleasant to be responsible for the successes and achievements, it is difficult at any age sadly recognize their responsibility for the failure. Admit mistakes adults do not like is not less than children.

Children are usually reluctant to ask for forgiveness, hardly agree with her - not even for all the obvious - the guilt. These seemingly simple words: "Forgive me, I'm guilty, they can pronounce the patter, but podi you: nothing. Or worse yet - an aggressive snarls.
... Accustomed to think that this demonstrative "presumption of innocence" and persistent "game in the misunderstanding of" not a serious psychological problem, but discourtesy, lack of knowledge of the rules of etiquette. But over time we have to admit: the ability of the child easy to apologize for transgressions as serious and light-weight, can simply be learned by rote ritual and formality as opposed to real (albeit vaguely progovorennoy) the ability to admit mistakes. For the latter goes far beyond a good or a bad taste in the family value system.
Ability to recognize own mistakes is formed in early childhood. And the main thing is the attitude of adults fail child. In an authoritarian pedagogy, which requires the child flawless functioning in a given positive manner, as any mistake would be highlighted in red pencil, and is regarded as a crime of domestic (at best) scale. Error is unacceptable - it must, according to adults, to cause the child acute, painful feelings of guilt and shame.
In this paradigm, every slip of the child - a complication of life for adults ("What I am now going to do," or even "What are you doing to me and not the motive ?!»), subsequent independent action. A healthy baby polutoragodovalogo a reflex: something spills on the table, he, like kitten paws, clean up after themselves - there and then spreads it dries, that is trying to correct the disruption. But my mom usually found spilled milk on the table, he immediately grabs the towel: "Oh, what have you done! Take your hands, I'll wipe. Child hears the same: "Stay and scared, until Mama. disentangle the consequences of my careless movement. Poor mom, she corrects my mistake. " Since forming non-constructive way to resolve the situation: you made - you're guilty - just sit and watch others clean up after you.
The same style of response errors child experiences in later life: mother, father, grandmother, teacher - everyone starts to get angry when he is mistaken. The problem with most parents, demonstrating this behavior is that they do not give him the right to make a mistake, and that's right there for anyone who is just learning to do something. If a child spilled milk - it just spilled milk, but the parents with a kind of ecstasy begin to call him butterfingers, or a slut, or an elephant in a china shop, etc., thereby identifying the gesture and personality, slip and nature .. However, "what good is a glass of spilled milk? - Asked by Jean-Jacques Rousseau in his famous novel-treatise Emile or On education. " - Milk must be wiped out, and the sanctions can only be one - the person remains without milk. "
In the humanist pedagogy - a very different approach. Not punishment, but the sanction (we use the definition of Rousseau) - this is a basic concept for developing skills to recognize their mistakes. It is known that punishment destroys the identity and does not contribute to a healthy attitude. Sanctions (ie, independently meaningful consequences of their actions), by contrast, clarify and structure the whole picture of what happened, since the corresponding actions, not our reaction to it. Process mandated awareness event consists of three stages. First - the stage of adoption: "Yes, I made a mistake. It is a fact. This fact must be doing something". The second stage - an understanding that you can do to make the error was somehow compensated. The third - the stage of execution (wipe the infamous milk, correcting the two, I apologize to those who have offended, etc.)
The first difference sanction of punishment - its logical relevant events. No need to ban pupil to swing on a chair, even if the chair is about to break - enough to say: "Please wait a little while, maybe a chair will not break so quickly." If a child is sketched husks of the seeds under the desk, he should just remove the debris, but not out of class in the hallway. If the rude teacher, he should apologize to her, but that is no reason to deny him a tour.
The second difference - the proportionality of sanctions actions (while penalties are usually higher than it). If the same husks lying around under your desk, you have to remove just under his desk. And there is no need to clean in such a case, the entire class - because the child will want to immediately equalize the scale of "Punishment and Crime" and the next batch of sunflower husks will have scattered throughout the class.
Finally, the third difference - the creative nature of sanctions: they relate only to the specific act, and never - the child's personality. They bezotsenochny and bezemotsionalny. Instead of feeling guilty, the child is simply to correct what he did.
Why is it so hard to admit his mistake? Why are psychological mechanisms of protection of the child as quickly included in even the most minor of situations? Because recognition of his wrong indeed requires courage - you are at all bares his "wrong entity", you open and waiting for the strike, which is usually behind it should be. To add insult guilt. It is unnatural.
PE occur wherever there are children. But among these PE, oddly enough, few of which might be called something exclusive. Typically, the range of events is not so great (though neoslabevayusche-drama): acts of child vandalism, theft, insults, fights, bullying ... And it may be subject to a kind of social contract of acceptable in the family or school sanctions. If something is broken - it should be restored destroyer (regardless of his intent, motivation, emotion and other factors). If you messed with someone relations - then go and renew contact, find a common language ... (How do - think up himself. To fix the relationship, sometimes only one excuse, but sometimes you need a lot of mental and intellectual effort.) In fact, the logic of harmony, that is a destination itself adequate sanctions - it is quite accessible to every culture of justice.
... Inspector Morse of the English detective series has appointed himself such a sanction: presented unfairly detained the owner of an antique wheel from the driving school car, winning in Formula 1, 1929. Presented at the time of release from the chamber. Apologized for his mistake and left. The suspect was repulsive type, a scoundrel, a rascal, but a serial killer and a serial killer, as suggested throughout the series of Inspector Morse, he still was not. Because Morse and gave him a priceless rarity - it was a form of his confession of his errors.
But there is another tradition, perfectly modeled in the cult television series. "You do not want to apologize to him?" - Asked for Zheglova Sharapov, when a custody release specified Gruzdeva. And gets a classic response: "It just so no one put. Suppose first sort out with their women "... Two Worlds: Zheglov lives not just in a different country - he lives in a different philosophy. He makes a personal existential choice: do not correct their obvious mistake, do not prevent the coming remorse. If any, of course, generally there will ...
We always have a chance to influence the future of our children existential choice. This choice was not the least dependent on how we behave at the moment when a child pours sugar on the table, carrying a cat by the tail, bringing the two, lying, fighting, profanity, or commit other acts that require real and meaningful and that importantly, neoskorbitelnyh sanctions. What to do if you do not want to punish the child?

    * To speak only about specific events, rather than the identity of the child. Not "you stupid in the exact sciences", and "you got a bad mark in math." Not "I have growing kids!", And "you had a fight today", etc.
    * Advise the child on the necessary sanctions: "What do you think, what to do?" Or "How can we correct this situation?"
    * Be patient when a child performs your authorization. Encourages him: "Well, almost all ...»," Well done, you get great. "
I sincerely express my warm feelings and support commensurate with the amount of his efforts. "You know, I am proud today by his son: he was wrong, but behaved like a grown man."