During the first two years of living together is formed conjugal pairs of style. Marital style - a way of organizing life couple, how it distributed the roles and responsibilities. The main task of the pair during this period is to establish acceptable to both styles of living together and achieve mutually comfortable level of intimacy.The proximity is closely related to sex life couples in which there is a division of pleasure, deepening and strengthening of intimacy, as well as stress relief from the stresses of life and marriage. Sexuality energize the bond of marriage and supports a sense of the specificity of each partner. Therefore, creating a space for intimacy and sex is of paramount importance to the vitality of marriage. Conversely, dysfunctional sex, and particularly the lack of sexual relations have a devastating impact on marriage, destroying intimacy and positive feelings toward spouse.
Each marital style reflects the individual inclinations and needs of spouses. Formation of each of these styles refers to the separation of certain values and ideas about marriage and the correlation of mutual expectations and needs. Marriage partners with disparate needs of extremely vulnerable. For example, the union's wife, tending to emotionally expressive marriage and a husband with a tendency to reduce the conflicts to a minimum doomed to failure. But even partners with a largely consistent and expectations faced with conflict and are not guaranteed against crises, therefore, to maintain an intimate relationship in marriage is very important in the willingness to recognize the problems and the pursuit of their joint address.
There are four potentially possible marriage of style:
* Best friends;
* Complementary;
* Avoid conflicts
* Emotionally expressive couples.
It should immediately make a reservation, which is absolutely pure style very rare and usually have some combination of them.Best friends
Well-functioning marriage-type best friends makes a deep impression on others. In such pairs the highest level of intimacy. This marital style most closely matches the widely ideal - "The more intimacy, the better." These pairs are characterized by a high degree of acceptance, intimacy, respect, trust and security. Such a pair of shared power in an equitable manner. These couples appreciate a touch in the bedroom and outside and enjoy the delight and eroticism. Typically, they develop a flexible sexy style that takes into account the feelings and preferences of both partners.
What are the potential dangers of this marriage of style? When confronted with a major difference in the expectations of such couples at risk of frustration and alienation. Disappointment and disillusion - a serious test with which to one degree or another every couple faces. Awareness of own expectations and the adoption of real partner - not an easy task, requiring a serious mental work. When this style is quite high percentage of divorces caused by unmet needs, anger and alienation. These couples lack the skills to resolve conflicts. They often sacrifice autonomy and individuality for the sake of feeling a part of the pair. Finding a balance between the need for solitude and making independent decisions and loaded into a relationship - a challenge for any marriage. The trap is to sacrifice autonomy and then resent and blame the partner.
Inhibition of sexual desires - another trap, which can get "best friends". Proximity and time spent together - a direct bridge to sexual desire. Pair requires mutually comfortable level of intimacy that provides an emotional connection and sexual desire. As is known, insufficient or excessive closeness may undermine sexual desire, so in this matter also requires some balance.
A pair of "best friends" is not enough to overcome the persistent sexual dysfunction and dissatisfaction. Acts myth "Love is enough." Expectation that the other must guess what I think and what I want without the request, can be quite persistent. But when there are sexual problems, only love is not enough. Proximity and shared positive feelings are very important, but not enough to overcome sexual dysfunction, such as early ejaculation and vaginismus. When one partner comes secondary dysfunction, erection problems in men, or lack of orgasm in women, both partners vary between the prosecution itself and an expression of reproach another. Faced with sexual dysfunction, such couples often slipping into a cycle of mutual avoidance, reluctance to push partner and the expectations of the initiative on his part.Complementary
Complementary or supporting each other couples have an average level of intimacy, maintaining a balance between autonomy and sense of unity. They confirm the competence and value each other and cherish the marital relationship.
Lack of sexual relations is not typical for complementary pairs. In complementary pairs of one spouse, traditionally male, believes sexuality is his prerogative. The danger is that a man may overemphasize sexual intercourse at the cost of intimacy, desire and the desire to please, which leads to a decrease of anticipation and pleasure by the woman. When targeting the sexual act, there is another danger that can destroy the sexuality she is especially inherent in men between the ages. Men over forty are vulnerable to anticipating trouble, which could lead to tense and dysfunctional sex or its avoidance. In other words, sex can become a source of confusion and hesitation.
Such couples may also fall into the trap routine. Sex may be mechanical. Over the years, the priority of sex in these pairs can be reduced, to take place late at night after a completed other important things: children put to bed, even walk the dog, watched TV. Such a pair can wistfully remember the days of romantic love and passionate sex in the premarital period. In such a situation before the pair face the task of reviving sexual desire. This requires a flexible style that focuses on communication and intimacy. It is easier to achieve if a woman has her own sexy voice. When both partners value the closeness, brought pleasure and eroticism - they are protected from sexual dysfunction. Well, when each partner can initiate a sexual relationship, to say "no" or offer an alternative erotic game.Avoiding conflicts
This is the most stable marital style. Such marriages are arranged according to traditional masculine and feminine roles. This style is characterized by avoidance of the expression of strong feelings, especially anger, bounded by proximity, emphasizing the value of children, family and / or religious values. Of particular importance in such pairs have the stability and sense of family. For them, reliability is more important than proximity, but family is more important than feeling a couple.
Intense feelings, particularly anger, are unacceptable. The expression of strong feelings and sexual desires are not encouraged. Related to sexuality conflicts played down or ignored. Avoiding conflict - a typical reaction to such pairs, so if you have a serious conflict with respect to sexual preference sex can just be avoided, but its value is diminished.
Since the sex in such pairs tend to charge a man in sexual intercourse underlines the importance of anticipating an erotic game, a woman was ready for sexual intercourse. Usually sex involves only one orgasm. Often there is an expectation that female orgasm must adapt to the male orgasm.
With age, sexual functioning ceases to be easy and involuntary. When a couple stops having sex at 40 or 60 years - as a rule, men neprogovorennoe solution. He too is concerned or confused sexual difficulties, and therefore decides that sex is not worth his effort.Emotionally expressive
This is the most violent, volatile and unstable marital style, but at the same time the most involving, full of cheerful enthusiasm and eroticism. The proximity of like the accordion - that is very close, it is like an unbridgeable gulf. Emotions, whether it is joy or anger experienced and expressed in full force.
When all is well, the relationship of this pair - it is something exciting and fiery passion, and sex life spontaneous and uncontrollable. This couple just fly on wings of love.
Emotionally expressive couples appreciate the "volcanic" intimacy, they are not afraid of conflict and anger. It is in these couples most often manifests physical violence. Physical and emotional confrontations can even erotically stimulating and initiated sex therefore serves as a means of mastering aggression.
Active, full of energy and spontaneity of sexual life is essential for an emotionally expressive couples, without passion marriage for them loses all value. If you have any sexual dysfunction they do not have the patience. If in the short term you can not find solution to the problem, all efforts may seem futile, which can lead to a change. Inhibition of sexual desire - a harbinger of death, marriage to an emotionally expressive couples. Divorce pairs usually accompanied by a bitter and vindictive attacks, but that does not destroy the chance to reunite once again after some time.
Each couple must decide two important questions - about the number and proximity of the values of sexuality. The proximity includes a mutual desire, and separation of self-disclosure. If one partner wants a high level of intimacy, and for other critical autonomy, then the probability of inhibition of sexual desire is very high. When couples fall into the trap of "haunting, drifting, intimacy and sexuality affected. Often happens that when a woman wants more intimacy, affection and sensuality. The man is emotionally removed, and as a means of reuniting prefers the sexual act. This could turn into a stereotypical struggle in which his wife accuses the husband in the manifestation of lack of intimacy and love, but my husband says especially about the frequency of sex. When sexuality is overlooked, it becomes mechanical. Sex becomes a predictable sequence of actions. To revive the sex life should abandon rigid sex roles. Ideally, each partner appreciates the intimacy, passion, moments of tenderness, eroticism and sex. When everyone feels comfortable enough to initiate sex, say "no" to offer an alternative sensual or erotic scenario.
In writing this article is the material used BW McCaerthy. (1999). Marital Style and Its Effects on Sexual Desire and Functioning. Journal of Family Psychotherapy. Volume 10, number 3.
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