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Saturday, May 28, 2011

Child fights - what to do?

Compassion, kindness and consideration for one's neighbor - is social skills. Children learn that ONLY examples. If you want, what would your kid showed them to others, begin actively, sometimes significantly, to show them to each other and to him. Well, for example, in your family someone hurt. You say: "Look, it hurts. Come to spare. "Such feelings must be all the family members to each other. You can feel sorry for the teddy bear, who fell to show compassion to children at the site, if someone or your child has made ​​him ill.

It is useless to scold the child for what he faced another hill. He had the age when he sets the lead. If you do not teach him the attention of your neighbor, then he will continue the aggression on the sly. Better agreement with the mother of another child, so she scolded you. And you'll save his and explain how to do it: "He is bad. He fell. And his mother protects him. Come to spare. You did good. You do not want someone to hurt. "No need to explain how not to do, but rather explain how to do it right.
For example, if your child went shoved someone - you say: "Baby hurt, let him spare. Look what he is good. You want to play with him? Let's give him here this toy. "Directory of aggressive energy in a peaceful direction.
The concept of "impossible" for a child is slightly different from ours. For the child can not - it's something that can not physically do it (the moon, raise cabinet, etc.). What can be done physically, but my mother said "no" - it turns out, mom is cheating, its credibility in the eyes of a child varies. In situations where the child hit in the face and the mom says "no", the kid strikes again - Mom, look at the actual fact can be, and you say you can not! Remarks stern voice here will not work! You need their response and actions to create a child's impression that such behavior is unacceptable. It is not necessary, of course, to beat him back, you can, for example, to seize his arm and deploy a person from himself, or divert to another room, or get the most out of the room - that they themselves come up with, most importantly, to have it done firmly, calmly and confidently without the irritation and anger. Mischievous smile of a child suggests that the child enjoys the show, you show it - Look, in response to my action as mother of all makes, alters a person's voice! Therefore, we must either do the show did not skip or show is that the child does not like it. The word "impossible" (this is a general recommendation for other cases) can be changed to other expressions such as "what we will not do", "do this stupid", etc.
If a child is bullying (hits) Mom, dad is spared, not the child. A mom takes offense. Shows that, in a tone she does not communicate. The child must understand, my father's behavior is correct, but it is not. At the site you are acting as a teacher. A growling mother of the child, who was hurt. You are at home as a child, which hurt, and as a snarling mother rolled into one. And when the child realizes that he has done something wrong, you again become a teacher. Explain that my mother can not be beat. It must be love and regret.
In general, the situation may be two. First, if there is someone at home more than you and the child sees that you hit a child, this person is fit and starts to feel sorry for her mother, ie, all attention switches to the victim, not the abuser. How to pass a child, pet, sorry mom. Here it is important to no attention given to the child is. No need to say that fighting is bad because it's pointless. Several times, he saw that his punches did not bring attention to him and his mother, the child will begin to wonder.
The second situation, when the house is unoccupied. Then once the child was bitten or hit sharply stand up, remove it from the hands, not scream, do not swear, and silently leave doing things, saying all kind, that you took offense. The main thing do not like the show to the child. Because children and beat his mother to see how she swears, screams, ie want attention and fun show. So "break off" a child in it. He wanted to see my mother cry out, will cry, cry, and you calmly pushed it and went out on business. The child, of course, check again, but your actions have to be exactly the same.
And yet - hit back, too, is impossible. The fact that you have a goal that the child does not bite (not fight). And if you responded to him in his biting, will also bite, then entrenched in his mind that the bite can be time mom does it. He did not connect the pain with the fact that he too was bitten. In other words, if you do not want your child doing something, then it yourself you will never have to demonstrate to the child. Only in this case an undesirable form of behavior will go away.Example 1. The child spits at my grandmother
Actions grandmother: offense and refuses to communicate with the child.
You are quietly watching and then when the child knew what he had done wrong, help him find a solution - explains that her grandmother unpleasant, let's spare her and more so we will not do.
But if my grandmother is not growling, and touched by, if your angry intervention will be an empty hot air. "Grandma something like that. Hence it is really possible. "At this point we have to work with his grandmother.
By the way, the grandmother should not argue with my mother - say, that's how bad you are raising a child. The child perceives it as a game: he spat at my grandmother and started a show called: "Grandma comes over to my mother." And he stands and observes: "That's how I know how to manipulate these older!"
But if my grandmother would be offended and walk away in silence, her mother explains that in our society is so self with grandmothers do not keep the child the next time very much think to do so or not. Children usually try two times, if the reaction is always the same, they stop. If the reaction is different, then try an infinite number of times until you understand what is necessary.Example 2. Father, mother and child are (sitting) on ​​the couch. Child spanking dad
Right action: the child down from the couch to the floor with the explanation that because we do not, father hurt my mother more sorry dad. If, however, does not help the child be expelled from the room, but everything is done quietly, without shouting.
This is your territory. A child on her is on your rules. If you have opened a slap each other, let them continue. If this does not rule your behavior, you show your child that do not behave.Question
Our daughter (1,5 years) to communicate with his sversnikom, a boy of our acquaintance, who fought at every encounter with her. We were not able to stop every time the baby steps. Now the roles have changed. She Lupit it at ev
ery meeting, and not just him. In the courtyard, in the sandbox, she too became a hit children, dragged by the hair. Advise how to stop the habit.Reply
Stop only the relevant joint conduct of women. Temporarily not go back to where it is happening. Try for a time to talk with their mothers, and develop a common strategy of behavior. Main - Mom is obliged to protect your child and napustitsya the offender and the other mom to defend her child. But make sure that everything was done correctly, ostentatiously apologize for my daughter and invite kids to regret the wronged, who cries if a child does not do this - walk ends if doing - continues. Well, mom always on the lookout. Usually, children need is an example of correct behavior. If you demonstrate it, then the child will start this match. Maori MB
First of all, we must understand that negative behavior the child does not come from the fact that he is bad. Child tries to behave differently and reinforces the behaviors that are popular with adults and for not being punished. For example, a child pushed someone, everyone laughs and the child no words can say. He concludes that this kind of behavior is normal, what's the use you give pleasure to others. But if the mother of which had pushed, grabbed to your child, sharply told him that my child can not hurt, and if you try again just would not let him on the mound, that's when the child is already making other findings. And his own mother regrets protects. Mother can not punish your child, she loves it all. Therefore the most reasonable when the other moms on the court "declare war" to you, for it hurts children, and you are saving it from them and say things like "I love you and always will defend, I will not give offense, but you did something do not like other people, if you continue to do so we are on this site will not start. "
Remember that Mom is a defender and savior. Punishing your child, you'll only exacerbate violent behavior. Because the child will conclude that fight and scream well, because my mom sometimes does so.

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